ASTRO INFLUENCES, COMING & GOING
A monthly video art series illustrating astrological weather, subscribe to newsletter to receive video in your inbox once a month.
I took a trip to the east coast and saw my entire family, including the hunched over spook of my dead grandmother. I slept in closets, couches, air beds, pull-outs and survived mostly on iterations of pizza. I was constantly moving on buses and trains, keeping pace with my gemini boredom for things that last more than four days.
Yet, there were moments to pause, especially while staying at a buddhist monastery upstate NY where I indulged in uninterrupted time with my (turns out, horrifying) mind and made friends with the resident monks.
These monks rigorously meditate, they don't even have beds in their room ~ they sit up meditating on the hardwood floor through the night in a yogic sleep. They only take "breaks" to socialize over meals that are beckoned by a bell. It sounds extreme but they were exceptional people and I developed a strong connection to them through deep conversation and unexplained smiling.
But when it was time to say goodbye, they became insulated with hermetic restraint ~ my new, non-attachment best friends barely batting an eye, returning to their private devotions. And the part of me that devours monogamy and takes twelve years to get over high school boyfriends, died a little on that train ride away.
I was lucky to arrive immediately after to a wedding in Western NY where all the stoicism became a garbage fire of attachment styles. I was unhinged at the wedding party, dancing myself blind and suctioning around others in some kind of puppy litter of wedding guests. I laughed maniacally and made false promises to cousins of the bride and I would feel embarrassed about it if it wasn't so true to the astrology this month ~
We are having a baton pass from hermit-like perfection to the sweetness and charm of a hungry socialite. This is the shift from Virgo to Libra, wafting from criticality to congeniality like the small bouts of air conditioning tapering off the summer. An overactive imagination is in high tide, too, though with Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn, any delusions must cross a gritty path of truth and substance. If we can accurately digest both fantasy and fact, we are likely to find our own form of yogic sleep, a beautiful dream state while being upright and centered.
I'm not the greatest with babies.
I suspect it's because I have a hard time with baby talk. I will speak to them in a toneless voice, ask them if their blanket traps warm air, lecture on the psycho-spiritual benefits of walking. This might be a sign I am a narcissist unable to mirror ~ but since babies are miniature buddhas, I tend to assume they pick up my underlying 'yes, you're a god ' emotional tone.
Though finally, after a few stupefying years of clown training, I'm starting to believe that baby talk is a portal...
There's something occult that happens to an adult body when it gushes out a raw sound for the amusement of a child. Like an instant karmic re-adjustment, or a re-turning, or ugh, you know...becoming the baby to realize you're a god, too.
My brother once took his baby to a four-hour photoshoot somewhere in the mall next door. As he described it, three adults huddled behind the camera trying to make the baby smile, only to have it make a gloomy poop all over the set design. I saw these photos eventually, and each one was a zoom-in of the baby dead asleep.
One might conclude these adults never entered the portal, and haven't we all been there? Surviving job interviews, not crying in the library, suppressing desires in the bread aisle...
But oh ! How blissful to really get a baby going.
Only the genius of a clown can be so lucky. A good clown has one brain cell, it doesn't plan, it makes mistakes with eternal optimism. A good clown lives for the portal ~ and so being that I'm timid for baby talk, could indicate clown training has yet to take root. Or perhaps, there is a way to be both bold and bashful and still be right with the world...that kind of duality is what this month is all about.
We've been engaging both versions of ourselves, the one drooling for a reaction from its audience and the one worried to look stupid. The first half of August we audaciously push past reservations to express something essential about ourselves. In spite of failures and flops we see the horizon of our talents with an optimistic view. The second half of the month we begin calculating the self-aware logistics of HOW? What are the details of our optimistic view? How will it be assembled? How do I make smarter mistakes? Our idiot child conspires with our adult instincts to arrange a sophisticated plan. We must be clever, we must be brave, we must get that baby going.
Well, I am a little late sending this out, and all the insane astrology moments have passed and I guess thats why I call this dead diary. I'll give myself a break because Mercury is still retrograde (until July 31) and astrology lets me blame my worst qualities on the planets. But really I've bottomed out ~ all of a sudden taking pottery classes, researching gong stands and guzzling down tart cherry juice: all activities signaling an identity crisis. I was also recently invited to a dance class, where a choreographer teaches you a complicated dance that you do over and over again. This is where I endured a mini panic attack, over and over again ~ having great difficulty in coordinating myself, I realized how far away I have gotten from the intelligence of my body.
This hit me especially hard because as a teenager, when I wasn't being anesthetized by cereal and tv, I was manically dancing. Stowing away in my room like a festive cave monk devoted to movement sequences ~ I would emerge days later to share these dances with my friends. In this way, for many years I wanted to be a choreographer. This didn't gain traction, in part because I grew obsessions for other types of creative outlets (like emo music) and collapsed my shoulders into thinking. I might also assign it to the horrors of bullying or being a woman in society ~ but in any case, here I sit, hunched over a computer and negligent from the neck down. So you wonder, as it is common for most of us who don't end up being professional dancers, where did the substantial connection to that mind-body freedom go?
This recent eclipse season has exposed the distractions that keep us from our essential parts. Where have we gone off track or denied ourselves? Where do we give our authority away to others? In a way, this dance class I took was so frustrating because my body was made to follow someone else's rules. We are going all the way back, to the beginning, peeling away at old psychological layers to gain autonomy over our bliss.
It reminds me of the Jewish new year Tashlikh ceremony, where you go to the river to throw bread chunks into the water, pretending they are parts of yourself you want to be rid of. We are enduring the type of growth that comes from having less, not adding on more ~ subtracting the materials, the people, the thoughts that no longer nourish us. If it doesn't make you groove, give it away.
This month, progress is made depending on the changing colors of a mood ring. What do you FEEEL like doing?
I got a group text "S.O.S" from my siblings saying we need to have an intervention with my parents about their two dogs. The concern is their disobedient indoor peeing and irrational barking. The small one that looks like the taco bell dog is particularly demonic in destroying property. My parents respond "these dogs are untrainable" but of course they're talking about themselves and haven't we all had difficulties changing peoples minds, our own minds?
With eclipse season approaching, this month we attempt to pick up the dust and mire of neglected decisions and delayed changes that have layered up over time, becoming belief systems safely, routinely untrained. We all have dog piss somewhere in our lives, changes that need to be done but take some unpleasurable effort. Despite the grind, its a very social time right now. We coordinate our labor with leisure and much needed exchange of mental energy amongst friends, groups, lovers, groups of lovers. Enjoy the lightness with others while our ambitions wait for the mood ring to match...
THE BEAUTY CURE
A mood-shift with many moving parts: handclaps, body rolls, the feeling of flesh, heavy food and loose fitting clothes.
We soulfully brood in our emotional bodies with a devoted artistry, as if beauty could cure all aching ~ Though, the swinging of our hips may not be too sequential, physical momentum flutters with the need for freedom and the power of creative disruption. Be open to innovate your deepest material attachments, appreciations, over-appreciations.
This month we consider the composition of our life, like looking at an entire painting all at once ~ deciding if our current brush strokes are loyal to a liberating value system.
Emerging from a marshy few months, we begin to make up for lost time and get on with what we set out to do this year.
Though, before we edge forward, we may endure a few obstacles, those very dear, private obstacles: old feelings, fears, obsessions that hold our horse back when its ready to jump. Instead, a substantial transformation must take place, the deadweight of the past must be purged.
I guess you could call it internal spring cleaning, or psychic hygiene or going back and remembering what you wanted to be before you became corrupt, before you became demonic, before you became cruel, before you were missing the whole point of life. There you go, all the way back, all the way back you odd ball, there you go, what did you want to be?
ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL OF THE DREAMBOAT
Getting through this month is only feasible through sonar.
Like letters of the alphabet traced on our back by a finger, we intuit shapes from an abstract, heightened imagination. From this angle, it looks like this - and from that viewpoint, it's something else. Our vista becomes a kaleidoscope of rotating perspective. Which one is the REAL one? A month of many miscommunications, we wade through confused...but soulful, flooded with creativity where logic cannot survive.
Helping us balance our swim stroke is the equinox today and the new beginnings of Aries season. Don't let the floating sensation of Mercury retrograde (March 5-28) keep you from the confidence to forge forward. Lean into the sub-aquatic life, take on the productivity of a deep sea creature. Certainty is not required, data doesn't matter, only the surrender to your hunches.
GONG SHOW STATIC
Today is the gong show static shock after rubbing our feet on carpet all week ~ zapped by overstimulation and biting breakthroughs. Eventually, the overdrive comes to a complete stop as we re-structure our relationship commitments, bare-handed down to necessities we learn how to say no or hell yes. Though, as the month unfolds, the pressure of decision making may benefit from fog lights (Mercury in Pisces with Neptune) ~ potential for mental energy to flip and flop, our head a fish bowl with flakes of dream-food floating, abstracted and not yet certain of the words to describe this fantastic confusion.
Like awkwardly putting a shirt on inside-out, January unravels somewhat inverted. The sequence of eclipses this month first exposes a NEW cycle before finding closure with the OLD. The new cycle (Capricorn/Cancer) is laden with duty, logic and the search for security, asking us to clarify our goals for our long term mastery. The old cycle (Leo/Aquarius, since Feb 2017) is supercharged with ego and has been measuring our courage and ability to gain attention for our bizarre talents. In this Father vs. Kid Brother sequence, we first sober up to a more serious, structured side of ourselves before completing the leftover lessons from our more playful striving to be seen.
This month we experience the darkest, longest night of the year. The December solstice puts the Sun's daily motion at an extreme night force standstill. Though, we must not equate darkness with distress. Within the sleepy shadows, we rejoice in the possibilities ahead. We tighten one eye shut for our fantasy of "what if" and focus one eye open, targeting "what is."
Consider your wildest dreams, inspirations, most expanded version of yourself - in the dimness we take delight, pull back, point and shoot.
YOUR LIFE IS ENORMOUS
We all endured an extreme style of exercise from November 6-17, quick pivots, moving objects ~ all at once the playing field repainted. As the limitations and topics from the past six months burn away, we rest in a Mercury retrograde season ~ slowing down our pathways of communication, we enter the maze of our own thoughts. Since Mercury treads backwards in the sign of the storyteller, Sagittarius ~ this retrograde helps us notice the story we tell ourselves. Does your inner-dialogue energize or enervate. Scan your mental chatter and ask yourself, is this real? Probably not. Be curious about your embellished interpretations. We'll all strike gold in the end, with the planet of abundance, JUPITER now residing in Sagittarius (its own sign) for the next year. Though, its indications may not be immediately apparent. Jupiter is currently hip to hip with the blinding rays of the Sun, and thus invisible in the sky. Similar to a new moon, slowly becoming a crescent, it will enter a purification process before slowly gaining its vigor. Prepare for this gilded journey, patiently awaiting the shape of our bounty, gradually growing enormous.
With our fur coat, black stockings, long cigarette and casual gun, we are passionate yet destructive ~ empowered yet marred by emotional depth. The planet of love *Venus* continues a retro-retreat into the the most intense sign of the zodiac *Scorpio*
Scorpio's spectrum of feelings contains only extremes. Mix this energy with the backwards moving planet of relationships, and we find ourselves treading through the haunted hallways of shared resources...shared beds....the ghouls of forgotten feelings, old fears, past hurts, jealousy, betrayal, obsession. When considering this darker side of our passionate entanglements we begin to wonder: Is there something we depend on from others that we now must satisfy for ourselves? This month we acknowledge the dose of femme fatale in us all. The dangerously magical and uncompromising yin energy. We yield only to our deep-felt needs and desires and bind ourselves only to those who can handle it !
Today the sun hits the earth in a way that
perfectly balances the amount of night and day force.
Likewise, Venus slows down for retrograde Oct 5th as Mars is coming out of retrograde, gaining momentum forward.
We take on this swaying, one forth and one back in a switching dance step. Deciding now, do I coordinate my dancing with others? Or is it individual dancing alone? Perhaps we can be in a group of people dancing alone in a coordinated way.
Like hands rubbing together or water slowing down a boat, the bits of one thing catches onto another, both trying hard to keep moving in their chosen direction.
With Mercury now direct (and Mars soon, too) we simmer into the second half of this month with a post-crisis sigh, sob, gasp of relief. August 11th completed this summer's eclipse season. It also happened to be the last Leo eclipse in a series that started February 2017. Since then, prominent doses of events have unfolded, creating more and more distance from who we used to be. Grappling with the animal of our egos, we discover whether or not the way we are seen matches the way we see ourselves. We carve away what's not necessary in bridging this gap, letting go of the incongruencies, the people, places and performance flops ~ we open the curtain to this new unusual creature - pleased by an audience only noticing in us that which reflects parts of themselves.
Still, we are stewing in Mars retrograde - spinning in place like steam turbines we feel the wafts of old anger, desire and aggression emerge from our underground vaults.
On July 27th, Mars is affixed to a Total Lunar Eclipse configured like a gourmet knife drawer. This is also the midpoint period of Mars retrograde cycle, where the swollen red planet will be close enough in orbit to reach out and pinch. We must have the courage to look inside and notice what outworn heating system is (apparently) still in use.
A LONG DAY to re-asses goals for moving forward while maybe, moving backwards.
Mars retrogrades next week, giving our inner soldier access to a new vision of success, but only after turning inward, rewinding, listening, rewinding again.
Yesterday, the planet of sudden change entered a sign that immovably resists change. It will reside there (roughly) for a seven year sojourn.
Expect a series of shake ups to your status-quo-business-as-usual-refusal-to-budge, budgeting now with new money, new food, new plots of land, well built tables turning, tipping-tilting, we place our hands on it and wait for rotations ~ ~ relentless surprises will demand your flexibility around material comfort. Trust all instincts for reformation -- beyond the quake is enormous freedom.
Pushing large quantities of commitments, rubble and other substantial material - make sure to equip yourself with a claw-like device. Its been prickly, but with your powerful earth-moving equipment - you can build the road towards whatever unusual thing is important to you, your time and resources.
Before stepping out onto the path you are paving, make sure the cement is dry! Lots of impulse and ambition, lots of kicking through doors - hinges off. Though you must PACE YOURSELF, taking action before things are in order will turn doors into brick walls. Be patient, take breaks or find a good podiatrist (because you just tried kicking through a brick wall). The risk here is...exhaustion.
Strike your pose with time for probiotics: shine, digest, shine, reform, and if it helps: follow your dreams, and if it doesn't help: Why? Settle in with selfless love, sacrificial in nature, peace, quiet, birds, bathing and maybe some dessert.
THREE YEAR PLAN
WELCOME TO DEAD DIARY